New Mother Tips

Question by SarahElizabeth73 H: California Mediation – What is next? Do you think he’ll get supervised visits?
We actually didn’t have court. We had mediation. I believe it went nicely on my portion. I went on behalf of my daughter and express my concerns and request and what I wanted. Whereas, the father went of bashing me and saying how I’ve made his life hell and he lost buddies since of me. Which is not true. I was biting my touge so difficult in amazement of what he was saying and apalled at the same time. I could of said so much to every little thing he was saying, but didn’t. He was saying how I harassed him and stalked him and everything. Let me tell you one thing, if it took me four months to in fact date him soon after he was persisted with me and return his phone calls, who seemed stalkerish? hmmm… He than continues to tell the mediator, “IF I’M GOING TO BE PAYING FOR THE NEXT 18 YEARS OF MY LIFE I Better HAVE JOINT LEGAL CUSTODY AND A SAY IN Everything.” He hasn’t noticed his daughter ever. What I was laughing at inside was he requested we both have psyche evaluations and when the mediator told him the expenses would be $ 1,500 – $ 3,000 you should of observed the appear on his face. Than he stated I’ll pay for it. Of course, his parents will pay for it – they are wealthy. I told the mediator I cannot not afford to put out that kind of money and I rather you it on my daughters well-being and requirements. I told the mediator I would like him to have strict supervised visitation. I had a strategy proposed out and every little thing organized. The mediator told him he was hostile and than stated, sorry you had to come all the way down here for such a short meeting. I’m not worried about child support at all. My daughter will ultimately get that. I’m worried about custody and visitation. I think he requirements to earn those and show he can take care of his daughter if he is sincere about it. He said it was absurd to have supervised visitation simply because he coaches and works with children everyday. Nicely he works with middle and high school kids whom are grown and potty trained. She’s only 6 months and an infant. Entirely diverse and he is a stranger to her. When the mediator asked if I knew any person that could supervise him that knew the two of us, I said no. I didn’t want to say his sister, roommate or any buddies. A.) Didn’t want to bring them in the equation and B.) I don’t trust them with him alone with my daughter. Oh and he had the nerve to make up and say, “I broke into his home and left clothes.” I didn’t know if I should of laughed on the inside or be a lot more upset. Back when we had been going out he use to tell me, you left this here and I’ll take it to you. I’ll do this for you and whatever you want I’ll get for you. Now it is, “I never stated this or that!” He is 27 and had to go to mediation with his mother. Oh and the mediator asks him if he knew about the pregnancy early on would he of been there and he stated yes. I was like Bullshit! I told him the in the 2nd month I was pregnant and he was adamit on me obtaining an abortion and referred to as me at 2am ask if it was his and if I was obtaining medical care and I said yes. He again wanted me to get an abortion and in no way talked about it once again saying he never knew. I told him in person, phone, text right after he text me asking if I was alright due to the fact I didn’t go back to his place the halloween evening he ‘wanted to thank me’ for me so good, and emailed him. I saved the e-mail and it is in the case file with the date highlighted. I’ve worked too hard to have him make me appear like a liar and irresponsble person and I know I’m performing an amazing job with my small girl and I have a lot of fantastic individuals about us. I just hope and pray every thing goes my way and the mediator sees how he truly is. It’s so scarey waiting.
Truly could I add, when this process 1st began he wrote his declaration to the court stating he wanted to give up all rights and visitation. Stating he is emotionally, mentally, physically unable to care for a child than goes on how he is not in a position to pay child support. Which that is fine. Now he want’s joint legal custody and unsupervised visits soon after he has produced no attempt to see her and I’ve had the doors fully open and he just bashes me when I’ve never stated anything bad to him.

Best answer:

Answer by nordic_winds1969
I have been where you are right now. It isn’t effortless. Do not get into the bashing unless you have DOCUMENTED proof of the scenario. It just gets into a he stated/she stated. Do not laugh when he makes claims against you. If questioned, deny it and ask for proof.

Supervised visits are hard to get. I was not able to gather from your post what state you live in and how long he has been out of your child’s life. It does not support that his loved ones has funds and you indicate that you do not. What I mean is that they can keep dragging you to court and there is not significantly you can do about it. But, you can file for any loss of wages, legal fees and the like with hopes to be reimbursed for your troubles if the case is judged in your favor. That will stiffle him a bit and his parents may stop playing into his games.

Make certain you maintain all medical records and shots. This shows you are doing your part on keeping your child healthy. Keep your residence clean so you are not surprised by a pay a visit to by Child Protective Services. When you are going by way of your daily life, maintain a journal. Any bumps or bruises your child gets, document what happened. Baby took initial steps, fell and scrapped her knee. If he calls you, sends you an e-mail, or letter, save it! It does not mean you will show all this to a judge but if you answer with some thing like, permit me to refer to my journal or notes. It looks greater simply because you cared enough to write it down.

Great luck. It is not going to be easy but my daughter’s father does not really bug us anymore. He will not come and see her since he says she betrayed him for choosing to live with me over him. It is sad for her but she is happier here, on a whole. She is going to be 16 in about a month, teenagers! LOL!

Once more, great luck.

What do you feel? Answer below!

Tags: California, he'll, Mediation, Next, supervised, think, visits